you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
