She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
