I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i drank out of a bidet.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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