being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
