woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
