You're so nebulous sometimes
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
