evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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