Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
