whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
