He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
