hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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