the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
