The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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