Where is the hickey?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
