I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
