so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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