My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
