brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
