I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
