can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
