I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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