my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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