I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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