whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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