oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
