she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
