she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
