I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
