who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
