hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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