Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
