end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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