we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
