Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Soap is not a condiment
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
