she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
