We need to start having sex underwater more often.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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