Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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