i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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