i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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