Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
