when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
