i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
