Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
