PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
