so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
