Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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