im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
