Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
