So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
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you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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