thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
