i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
