I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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