Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
