So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
