Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
