She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
